'Be kind to yourself' and other advice for people who wish to be happy

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It seems that many people need to be reminded time and again of the importance of self-compassion. This is especially true for highly driven individuals who want to attain more out of their lives.

In the pursuit of happiness and success, many people tend to forget about their own needs. The accomplishment of goals takes precedence over everything else that they neglect their health and well-being for even the smallest of gains. Often, many people may sacrifice the time they can spend in the presence of their friends and loved ones for their careers – and they end up regretting doing so.

Indeed, life is in movement. It is in the pursuit of a lofty goal or a series of smaller objectives. It is in growth. However, all of this must not be done at the cost of losing oneself. Greatness and happiness can be achieved without people being too hard on themselves.

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Practicing self-compassion is only the beginning. When individuals learn to think about themselves positively – considering their needs, strengths and weaknesses, and what they want – they can begin to work on things that truly matter to them.

They can seek a job that makes them happy, and they won’t have to worry about finding motivation to do their best at work. With constant drive and motivation, individuals can maximize their productivity during work hours. This, in turn, allows them to have time for other pursuits such as their hobbies or investing in meaningful relationships with friends and family.

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Dr. Gary Zomalt is a psychotherapist and the owner of 3R Counseling & Consulting. Find more resources on happiness and success through this Facebook page.

The value of stress in daily life

For many stressed-out people, the idea of living stress-free at some time in the near future continues to hold a strong appeal. A vacation from all of one’s worries and responsibilities remains as an important motivator and recharger to many. In fact, experts on mental health and productivity assert that workers should take short vacations more often in order to feel refreshed and consequently more productive at work.

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The idea that needs to be corrected, however, is that being completely stress-free is ideal for a person.

The feeling of stress comes from the amygdala, a part of the brain which sends alarms to the body when some form of danger is present. This alarm is actually always on – it is present in times of life-threatening danger, and it is ringing in times when one just wants to avoid trouble. It also follows that people actually experience varying levels of stress at all times.

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There is a healthy level of stress, but it can also be in excess. The times when people experience a lot of stress are the times when they don’t pay attention to what the alarm is pointing to. It may be signaling to the fact that they’re neglecting their needs or that they’re not giving enough attention to something important.

Stress serves as a good motivator to get a person moving. Stress management, therefore, should not be directed at getting rid of stress but should instead be aimed at heeding the calls of the body to focus on and attend to what is important.

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Dr. Gary Zomalt is the owner of 3R Counseling & Consulting. Visit this Facebook page for more resources on maintaining good mental health.

20 Tips to Tame Your Stress

A little stress is said to be good in keeping people motivated and focused. However, being under a lot of stress has a lot of negative effects. This article by Lynn Ponton, M.D. shares some tips to keep stress levels at bay.

Stress hits us all in life, and while a little stress is good — it keeps us focused and motivated — too much of it and it can grind our lives to a complete halt. When you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed-out, you may become paralyzed and unable to do much of anything.

Just as bad are unhealthy coping methods to deal with stress. Turning to food, alcohol or drugs often just turns one set of problems into another that can balloon out of control. It’s better to avoid those unhealthy coping mechanisms from the start, and find good ways to keep your stress under control.

There are many ways to tame your stress and keep it at bay. Here are 20 tips to tame your stress today, and keep the stress monsters at bay.

1. Perform diaphragmatic or “deep breathing” exercises.

2. Lie face down on the floor and begin breathing deeply and slowly, with your hands resting under your face. Do this for five minutes.

3. Sit in a reclining chair. Put a hand on your abdomen and a hand on your chest. As you breathe, make sure the hand on your abdomen is moving up and down rather than one on your chest. If the hand on your abdomen is moving you are breathing deeply and slowly.

4. Try progressive muscle relaxation or “deep muscle” relaxation. Progressively tense and relax each muscle group in your body. Learn the difference between muscle tension and relaxation.

5. Meditate. Use visualization or guided imagery to help you learn to be one with your thoughts. Sit quietly with your eyes closed, imagining the sights, sounds and smells of your favorite place, such as a beach or mountain retreat.

6. Exercise regularly or take up yoga.

7. Consult a psychologist about the use of biofeedback.

8. Make time for music, art or other hobbies that help relax and distract you.

9. Learn to identify and monitor stressors. Come up with an organized plan for handling stressful situations. Be careful not to overgeneralize negative reactions to things.

10. Make a list of the important things you need to handle each day. Try to follow the list so you feel organized and on top of things. Put together a coping plan step by step so you have a sense of mastery.

11. Keep an eye on things that might suggest you’re not coping well. For example, are you smoking or drinking more, or sleeping less?

12. Keep a list of the large and little hassles in your day versus the major stressful events in your life. This helps you focus on the fact that you’re keeping track of and managing those as well as you can.

13. Set aside a time every day to work on relaxation.

14. Avoid using caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, junk food, binge eatingand other drugs as your primary means for coping with stress. While they can be helpful once in awhile, using them as your only or usual method will result in longer-term problems, such as weight problems or alcoholism.

15. Learn to just say, “No” occasionally. It won’t hurt other people’s feelings as much as you think and is simply a method to be more assertive in your own life, to better help you meet your own needs.

16. Get the right amount of sleep. For most people, this is seven to nine hours a night.

17. Cultivate a sense of humor; laugh.

18. Research has shown that having a close, confiding relationship protects you from many stresses.

19. Don’t run from your problems! This only makes them worse.

20. Talk to your family and friends. See if they can help.

If these tips don’t help, or you’ve tried a lot of them with little luck in better taming the stress in your life, it may be time to consider taking it up a notch. A mental health professional — such as a psychologist — can help teach you more effective methods for handling stress in a healthy way in your life. Such psychotherapy is short-term and time-limited, with a focus on helping you better deal with stress.

Remember — we do have control over the stress and choices we make in our lives. It sometimes takes a little practice and effort to put some of these techniques into play in your life. But once you do so, you may be pleasantly surprised at the positive benefits you’ll receive.

Source: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/20-tips-to-tame-your-stress/